Free, nonjudgmental aid for family of the mentally ill

Your Turn
Keith Baxter, Guest columnist
Tallahassee Democrat, 2/9/2020


The recent story of a mother who, after the death by suicide of her son, was courageous enough to speak of his mental illness leading to his tragic death, struck a nerve for me.

Courageous, because the stigma attached to mental illness in today’s world is so unfair. Some feel ashamed to talk about their loved one’s illness for fear of being judged, to have been somehow complicit in causing it, or that it was self-inflicted by an anti-social behavior or character flaw.

I hid my then-18-year-old's son’s schizophrenia-schizoaffective disorder diagnosis until his odd and sometimes threatening behaviors left no option. Even then, I only shared with those I thought would not judge him or me, who could be trusted to keep confidence.

The stigma of mental illness is real and painfully endured by so many families and individuals whose lives are torn apart.

A mental illness is an imbalance in brain chemistry, period. That imbalance can be genetically inherited, or as with my son, simply a cruel twist of fate. There is nothing the ill person could have done to prevent it, nothing they did that caused their insidious disease, nor was anything done by their own loved ones that precipitated the onset.

In my opinion, this basic understanding of mental illness is the single biggest barrier to ending the stigma that creates the painfully insular and isolating lives of families and their loved ones. Education, as in many life issues, is the key to accomplishing that goal.

As a child I can recall adults talking in whispers about a person’s diagnosis of “The Big C,” cancer. Today we paint the town pink — literally. That's created by both awareness and understanding, an incredibly powerful transition from what used to be. I hope for the same transition for mental illness.

Medical and clinical help for the ill person and their friends and families is so poor and inadequate. Perhaps the same lack of education and understanding by lawmakers, health insurance providers and health care professionals is accountable for those failures, for the dearth of improvement in mental health care today.

Frustrated and afraid but seeking answers, I discovered the National Alliance for Mental Illness online. Incredibly, even after visiting different psychiatrists, therapists and counselors with my son, I don’t recall being told about NAMI, or NAMI Tallahassee, something I now believe should be top of every local psychiatrist’s prescription pad.

NAMI is the country’s leading mental health organization dedicated to advocacy, education and support of families and loved ones suffering with mental illness through the 1,200 affiliates around the nation. NAMI Tallahassee is one of those affiliates, recognized by in 2019 NAMI as Florida’s best affiliate.

NAMI uses local volunteers — who are trained and certified by nationallymandated programs, and who personally know and understand the nightmare of mental illnesses — to teach and facilitate. NAMI Tallahassee offers educational classes for families, family and peer-to-peer support groups all at no cost, ever.

NAMI Tallahassee's Family to Family classes may have saved my life. The insight, education, coping strategies, the compassion, empathy and kindness that can only be gained from a group was so profound to me that five years later I became certified to teach that same class. A new eight-week class begins in March.

I could not have prevented my son’s tragedy eight years ago. Today he is incarcerated for the remainder of his life in the Arizona Department of Corrections. Angry at a system that failed him, I share his story today to reinforce while there is so little medical and professional help, that there is help within the community and that change must happen.

Today, with much help, I am mostly at peace with my son’s tragedy. I admire and deeply respect the courage of the Gilbert family to share their pain and heartache in a public forum.

Families with loved ones suffering need not be afraid — sharing our stories is how we can educate, create change and end the stigma.

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Keith Baxter is the owner of Kool Beanz in Midtown. Reach NAMI-Tallahassee at www.nami-tallahassee.org